Mary + Her Mental Health

I have some of the most intense conversations with people in my dreams. I have never been more eloquent, more verbally concise, or more all-around awesome than when I’m telling someone off in my dreams. Last night, all I remember is having a conversation with a friend with whom I’m a little frustrated at the moment, and it was killer. Don’t remember what I said, or how I said it. But it was the B, and I wish I had written it down! I was a goddess in this dream, I kid you not! I wish there were some way to record the dialogue in my dreams, which I would then transcribe on paper, and then live out what I said to the actual person in actual life. Actual. Actually actual.

I like to think that this means my subconscious mind is a lot smarter than my conscious one. Too bad it goes to waste, just running off onto my pillow.

For the past week, I’ve been waking up regularly and often during the night. These intense dreams have actually stirred me awake. I fall asleep worrying about something, then that worry converts to some kind of twisted plot in dreamland, where I play out the bizarre of the bizarre, to the point where I awaken from it and think….aw crap. A minute ago, subconscious mind said something linguistically spectacular, a minute later, conscious mind iterates: “aw crap.” Someone, please locate and retrieve for me the device that removes the brain from my head long enough to get eight sequential hours of shuteye.

At certain points during the day, a small swatch of an image or a sentence flashes in my mind from the night before, but it vanishes the second I try to focus on it. I suppose I get a D+ in lucid dreaming. (90’s Flashback: any of you remember that awesome rock ballad by Queensryche, “Silent Lucidity”? Did that not rock the emotional cradle of life inside you?)

Every morning, I kneel by my bed and say a prayer. After the bizarre dream conversation, I was still feeling icky. So that became a topic in my prayers, like a “what is this, Lord?” type thing. I came away with the impression that if there were anything worth remembering or using from that dream, He’d make sure I retained it. But as for the rest, just try and forget about it. So there it is. The mind is a mine field. Mind Field! I am so good. That quip musta snuck out of the subconscious for a sec. Conscious mind is still stuck on how to open my bottle of OJ.