Tuesday, August 23, 2005
me, me and more me...it's disgusting
No one really sees herself as she really is. No one can be totally self-aware. If we were, we’d recognize immediately the bad stuff we do, or the lunacy in what we say, or the faults we show to others unwittingly.
Sometimes I’ll throw a comment out that seems perfectly appropriate, reasonable, non-strange, or otherwise perfectly orthodox. But then I witness the REACTION to what I’ve said. And based on that reaction, I can tell either that my comments were indeed rational, appropriate, etc. – or – not.
Fairly often, my friends will do that little inward-chuckle thing, as if to say “oh, mary…” or maybe their eyes widen and shift focus, after I’ve merely expressed an inner thought. That’s when I know…I just said something abnormal.
Here, let me give you an example…
On Sunday, I approached a good friend because I wanted to apologize for a thoughtless remark I had made at a party the night before. Not a big deal, but still something I shouldn’t have said. So I walk up to her, and this is what I say…
“[Friend by name], can I talk to you for two seconds? I need to say something, and I know you may not think there’s any reason for me to say it. But this is more for my benefit than for yours, so I hope you’ll indulge me here.”
And then my friend began to laugh. Which greatly surprised me. Now is that a strange thing to say? What’s your take? Would you have laughed at that statement?
YOU KNOW WHAT? Maybe it’s not WHAT I say, but HOW I say it. I wonder what my face looked like as I said it. Maybe it was the speed with which the words were uttered. Not sure.
I guess I just feel really sheepish when I don’t understand why what I’ve just said merits a surprised or diverted reaction. I feel like I should be in better tune with just how I’m coming across.
Other days, I just think to hell with all ya’s.
You guys would tell me if I’m being ridiculous or ignorant, right? Oh, I am so neurotic. They need to invent some kind of shunt for the brain for peeps like me.
M’kay. Just forget everything I said. Bye.
As for that statement, I think it would depend on how it came out. If it was said very seriously, then I probably wouldn't laugh. But if it was said really quickly like one long run on sentence and with exasperation, I might laugh. It also might depend on if I have a clue as to what it is you were gonna say.
I know completly how you feel and some things are better left alone. Trust me! I have become a PRO-fessional conversation STOPPER. Yeah, ya know the plug in your kitchen sink, thats me. I am usually the one who says the thing that instantly stops the conversation.
Talk about making someone paranoid, it comes to a point where you think, "Why say anything at all? No one wants to ba a plug." But you know what, I really enjoy talking and life would become really boring if I cut talking out of it. So WHO CARES!!!! I don't really mind being a plug after all.
Plus I think you're grand and you always have brilliant things to say. And for those who don't understand you, I can tell them, "No worries you get used to her after awhile." JK!
we are who we are. and that's the way it's going to be. words to live by, bob marley.
Thanks everyone for allowing me a neurotic post like that one, and thanks more for adding your insights to it!
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]