Mary + Her Mental Health

Less than a month into my 32nd year of mortal existence and I’ve started to wear reading glasses.

I’m in CVS looking for an anniversary card for my parents, and I stopped by the magazine rack. I’m trying to read, but frankly it’s just hurting my head a little too much. These headaches I get almost every day, this dull ache that starts usually around lunchtime and ends sometime after dinner or later. I’ve been blaming it on the glare from my computer screen, or the lack of adequate lighting. But standing there, in front of the magazine rack at CVS, a dastardly thought popped into my head.

As casually as I could, pretending that this was just a joke, I saunter over to the cheapy reading glasses rack. I pick out a pair, hold them in my hands for a minute, and quietly put them on my face. I look up.

And a concourse of angels began to sing.

I walk back to the magazine rack and randomly grab something to read, this time with dastardly cheap reading glasses on. Yep. They help. Print bigger and clearer. Headache subsiding. Crap.

I wish I had a digital camera, because then I could show you what I look like in my REAL glasses. It’s not much better than the photo you see above, let’s put it that way. Time marches on like a dastardly drum signaling impending death and destruction.

Oh, on a totally separate note...
Harley tattoo neighbor man, Mark got a hair cut last night. How do I know? Because Harley tattoo neighbor man’s friend (hereafter called Scary Barber Man: large scary guy with long pointy goatee, sunglasses, black wife beater, chains, tatts, American flag kerchief covering his head) came over with his electric shears and set up “man spa” on the driveway in front of the garage of our house. Mark was seated in a folding chair in front of his motorcycles like he was about to deliver a speech. I guess he wanted “the boys” to witness the event.

“Are you adding highlights, Mark?” I yell out to him as I’m getting in my car.

“Huh. Yeah…and a pedicure type deal!” he jokes back with his Bostonian slur.

“Atta boy, Mark. Embrace your feminine side.” Both Mark and Scary Barber Man thought that one was pretty funny. I sure do like making the Harley men laugh.