Friday, October 21, 2005
I’m finished with dating. I just am. Sorry. If you ask me out, I’ll go. But I’m done hoping that it may evolve into something serious. Dating for dating’s sake is fine. I’m through with purposeful dating, or dating with potential for more. It doesn’t happen. And that’s okay. I’m just done.
It takes too much out of me to hope for more. I believe I can learn to be happy without hoping for love, then live out my existence learning, serving, singing, cooking, visiting, teaching, visiting teaching, and taking care of domestic animals until I perish. I’m really okay with that now. When you think about it, it’s not at all a bad way to live.
I read somewhere that those who don’t find their true love in this life are destined to have major love and bliss in the next. I’ll go along with that, that’s a nice notion. I think I’m done hoping for something like that here. Love in mortality is an old faint shadow of an idea to me these days. I can start fresh in the afterlife. Possibility for love in another world seems far more likely than it does here.
Hoping is not easy, in fact it’s a bit demanding. At least it feels that way. Living self-reliantly I can do. Living self-reliantly meanwhile making heart-space for the potential husband to someday appear - - that is tough living, man. Hoping for true love is starting to feel like a waste of energy. Why not put to something more worthwhile? Or likely?
You can’t say I didn’t give it a chance. I did! 31 years! I gave it a really good chance, and I even came close a couple times. But I think it would be better for my nerves and overall life-longevity if I just continue from this moment on with the assumption that relationship circumstances will not change much from what they are today. I have learned to be happy as a single adult, and I’ve been deeply gratified at the many blessings single life offers. Now I feel the need to get on to the business of THRIVING as a single adult. No more closeted hopes and wasted heart-space. Devote all the hopes and heart to the single life without apology and without reservation.
Some people find it, some don’t. All the same, Jesus loves me, this I know. For my little heart tells me so.
Like I said last night, I am totally supportive of you taking some time and space to evaluate your own happiness and to just enjoy your life as is without the caveat of having to expect and hope for a Mr. Right to waltz in.
It is wearing to try and be happy in your life while hoping for and expecting something that you just can't predict.
Go and have an awesome life that you will not regret.
I stopped "looking" years ago, and I assure you, that special someone has not just plopped into my life.
Onto this thriving as a single adult -I find it easier to surround yourself with single friends who are the same way. I'm not saying to forget those who are still putting too much into finding Mr./Ms. Right, it just helps so much having friends that aren't constantly boo-hooing about being single. I've felt at times as though I'm thriving and perfectly fine being single, and then one of my friends starts being all dreamy and crap, and that hope catches on. And then, what do you get? Nothing.
It may sound bitter, but putting too much heart and thought into finding a special someone really can get in the way of you just living out your life to the fullest. And being happy where you are.
Meta - loved your comments, thank you! I suppose my hopes were interfering more than I realized. It kinda sneaks up on you. I am lucky that most of my friends are not relationship-obssessed. Sometimes it's simply a matter lightening up...on yourself and on others! I do okay for the most part. Every now and then, I just let myself get too serious about the whole thing. That's when the histrionics ensue.
I get anxious, I get fed up. I get over it. I'm fine, then I get antsy, then I get anxious, then I get fed up. And on it goes....
I think that not having that constant hope and ache in my heart helped me to just be happy with myself. People said I was being negative saying that I would be single for the rest of my life, but in reality I think for the first time I was letting myself be positive about just being me and not needing to be part of a couple.
You are an awesome person, Mary, and have so much to give whether it be to your friends and your family and maybe to a man someday if that should happen. Whatever. Just know that you're wonderful.
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