Friday, February 24, 2006

careful dear, the lsd is showing

an actual phone conversation at work today...

Me: Good afternoon, Vice President "X’s" office?

Her: Yes, I tried to send an email to somebody at the school, and I’m not sure if they got it?

[pregnant pause]

Me: Okay?

Her: Well, what I need to know is, are your email addresses case-sensitive, because I didn’t capitalize the name.

Me: Oh, I see. I believe they are.

Her: But you don’t know for sure.


Me: Um….I’m pretty sure. Who are you trying to reach, ma’am?

Her: Rafael in the Costume Shop?

Me: Okay, let me look up his information on the directory, one second…

Her: Well, I’ve got his information, so you don’t need to do that.

Me: All right. How can I help you then?

Her: I just need to know if your email addresses are case-sensitive or not!

Me: I believe they are.

Her: But you don’t know for sure.

Me: [Echo Echo?!] Okay, I'm looking at the directory, and all the email addresses here seem to be in initial caps.

Her: No, that can't be right, because I have one here that's all lower case.

Me: [I need to go somewhere else now.] Uh-hunh. Well you could always send the email again and this time capitalize the first initials? See if it works?

Her: Well I would think if it didn’t get work, my internet service provider would have notified me.

Me: [oh sweet buddha, make it stop]…Yes, I imagine that’s true.


Her: I’m trying to confirm an appointment.

[another pause as I search for response]

Me: Well…

Her: Don't you have a cell number for him?

Me: [okay, now I'm actually enjoying this] Oh, I'm afraid I don’t. This is the Office of Administration and Finance. We mainly handle upper division management, legal and other corporate issues.

Her: Yes, I know that. You’re a central office. I would think that you’d have that information.

Me: [Oops! Oh, I'm so blind. There it is, right there on speed-dial! "VP A", "VP B, "Rafael Cell", "VP C"...] Well, I’m sorry I don’t have that information. Perhaps you can try the main Costume Shop number?

Her: No, that won’t help me.

Me: [HAVE YOU CONSIDERED REHAB?] Ohhhkay. In that case, ma’am, I’d try and re-send the email this time only using initial caps.

Her: No, that won’t help me either. Thank you!


This was a Friday highlight. I’m still laughing.
That sounds about like every phone call I deal with at my office. Not the same content, of course, but the cracked out quesions and answers these people have. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only normal person left...but Mary, you have shown me that I am not alone. Thank you.
I think my favorite is how nothing i suggested would "help" her, even if what i suggested is an actual legitimate suggestion!

"This room is too dark, I can't see anything!"

"What about turning on a light?"

"No, that won't help me."

Exact same thing. I really think some people prefer to stay in the dark because they like the sound of their own whining.
Mary oh Mary. You have the funny. I know that I used to get weird calls at different jobs I've had, but I can't remember them...yours is way too entertaining.

I love how she really expected your job to be all about finding some random person's cell phone for her.
Okay, that really made me laugh. I don't know how you didn't just start laughing at her on the phone. Some people...
Actually, g, I did start laugh on the phone with her, right after the "internet service provider" comment. I couldn't help it! It was that half-committed, incredulous, nervous giggle kind of laugh. And I was stifling the big guffaws for the remainder of the conversation.

I wish I had some button I can push to instantly start recording phone conversations, so then I could post those in midi form or something. Share my frustrations with the world more thoroughly.
I had a phone that would let me do that...i'm not sure if i had to hit a button before we started talking or not. i hope a purchase request for one of those is in your bloggy future:)
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