Wednesday, May 24, 2006

it's okay to look nice

Today I decided that it's okay to put up a non-funny portrait. "Funny" is great. But "funny" is only truly great when it flies solo, without some other passenger motive. Such as covering up your fear of being truly known by someone, or denegrating others to make you feel better than.

Today i put up a "pretty" picture. I posed for a NY photographer. It's okay to admit that I spent money on pictures of myself. It's part of the industry. It's okay to look pretty.

It's also okay to wear swim suits. I have a phobia of swim suits. I get panicky with just the idea of wearing one. I haven't worn a swim suit in over five years. If I do wear one, I'm usually wearing shorts on the bottom and, when out of the water, a t-shirt on top. But the shorts are always worn. Last weekend, Peggy and I tried on swim suits and I actually came out of the dressing room and showed her and the two other women in the dressing room what I looked like. Peggy had me stand in front of the three-way mirror and see myself wearing a swim suit. This was like pliers to my teeth, and I detested every single minute of it while taking severely deep breaths and fighting back tears. But you know what? It's okay. It's okay to wear swim suits. And someday I will wear one outside of a closet and be okay.

It's okay to, while speaking to boys on the phone, pace through the entire house like a robot bouncing into walls, turn around, then go in the other direction ad nauseum ad infinitum. It's okay.

It's okay if people hear you singing to yourself. Even when you're a trained singer and people might think you're just singing because you're in love with your voice. When that's not really it. You just like to sing.

It's okay to say no and stick to it, when no and sticking to it is really the right thing.

It's okay to not be just funny or clever on your blog. Funny is only part. There's also sincere. And I'm okay with that, too.
Mary, you are beautiful and funny and clever. And sincere!
Beautiful! both you and the post.
Pretty pretty picture!

And pretty post too.
Thanks, girlses.
I hope it's okay to look dang sexy too. Because that's what you are.
You look hott!
Thanks for saying all that. Sometimes I feel so "unblogworthy" next to all the people I know who are such good writers and so clever...but it's okay to be me!
VERY nice look like someone I used to visit teach...
heehee... is totally OKAY with me that you sing whenever you feel like singing. I wish i could be nearby just so I could hear you. You have one of my most favorite singing voices of anyone I've ever heard. EVER.
Dude, Mary, I love you. I think you're cute and if I weren't your sister and a completely different gender, knowing all the "okay" stuff about you, I'd totally go for you. Hands down.
P.S. I miss you.
P.P.S. we're in the same time zone right now. That makes me feel better at least!
Kim, Jessica, Richard...THANK YOU! These were such nice things to read!
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