Monday, August 07, 2006


This morning I was rinsing out my cup when I jumped back three feet as something icky moved out from under a plate in the sink. I swear it was three inches long. Naturally, one is required to whimper like a baby, scream a little, and run out of the kitchen temporarily when one sees a three-inch MONSTER with 12 million legs and loooong antennae scurrying around one’s sink. It wanted to kill me, I could tell. It lurched at me. I think I even saw a switchblade in one of its tentacles. I had to defend myself. I turned on the water, and apologized to multi-leg creepy thing, but he was going to die and I was going to kill him. As he’s scuttles furiously to the far edge of the sink, away from the water, I’m shouting at him: “It’s okay, just go toward the light! It’s your time, man! Just accept it! You’re going to be in a better place! Far better than this crummy sink! It’s your time, man! Just die already!” I’m splashing him with water because he’s too far from the faucet. Then, at last, he loses his grip and slides to his doom toward the center of the sink. I move the faucet directly over him and crank it, “I’m trying to make this quick, pal! Work with me here!” I probably drowned him for much longer than I needed to, but just like in so many suspense movies, I’m terrified that he's not really dead. Never trust that they’re really dead.

Creepy guy is finally gone. Then comes the part where I have to take him out of the sink and throw him away. I hate this part. I don’t want to feel him, so I grab 67 napkins, pick him up and throw him away in the garbage. RIP, you son of a....

[photo stolen from Kelly's Blog, because this is exactly what he looked like.]
Oh Mary I feel your pain. Once upon a time, when I lived in a basement apartment in Toronto, which had been previously occupied by some elder missionaries, and so wasnt so clean, a giant on of these creatures that I like to call the Alien Bug lived under the baseboard of our door. And it could not be killed. Then one day, I noticed some black stuff all over the floor and thought, time to clean, and then noticed it was on the walls as well....and moving. Yes the alien had reproduced and her million little babies were everywhere. Shudder. I'm still in recovery.

You are very very brave.
Sarita darling, how is it that you survive all these horrendous things?! Black Alien larvae? On your walls? I just....
Oh Mary. I am so, SO sorry.

I know the pain caused by the millipede mafia (which sounds much better than just plain our house centipede. Maybe centipede cosa nostra).
I survived just as you did. And we are both stonger for it. Now the lady bug infestation of the same apartment was something else. The red little vixens are sweet and wonderful until your bed is full of their corpes. Good thing I didnt go to South America or Africa, or some such region. Still I don't see how their bugs could be any worse. I'm just saying.
sorry this has nothing to do with your post, but I need your email address so that I can contact you about a blog project I'm doing. Could you email me at I'd appreciate it!
zip uht, hobo.
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