Wednesday, October 04, 2006
(MARGARET, a middle-aged and painfully proficient executive assistant,
professional under any circumstances, and never one to bring
emotion to the office, stands in front of her boss’s desk
with tablet and pen in hand.)
Oh and don’t forget, you have that teleconference at 3:30 this afternoon. Bob Snyder is supposed to forward the agenda from last week’s meeting to you before you make the call. And Joyce Peterson telephoned. You’re scheduled for an early breakfast meeting on the 12th at 7:30. The United Way wants more money. When Mr. Koffel calls back, should I tell him you’re still overseas? Otherwise, he’ll ask me for an appointment, and I know things have been a bit awkward with him since you caught him stealing your Nutrageous bar out of your briefcase at the Chicago conference. Perhaps it’s too soon for actual face time? You seem perplexed. Okay, get back to me on that. (To herself.) What else? Oh, your wife called and Madison’s game is at 4:00 p.m. today, which gives you plenty of time to get there since the tax meeting ends roughly at 3:55. I’ll have the car waiting in front. She also asked me to mention that if you’re not there exactly by 4:00 she’s taking the Pekinese and all your favorite wines with her, quote, “you heartless zombie of a man”. The new associate finally submitted that memorandum you were waiting for regarding former high execs turned felons, and whether federal law has defined them as a protected class yet. I snuck a peek at the last paragraph. Fingers crossed for next year, sir. Your hair appointment has been moved to next Wednesday right before your Bonsai and Sushi class, and your son Josh is coming home from school this weekend because he’s flunking out and needs more money. The treadmill serviceman asked me to tell you they don’t install Diet Mountain Dew dispensers in the console, but you can get a second opinion on that if you like. As for holiday greeting cards, did you decide on the religiously ambiguous “Happy Festive Season” card with the silver snowflakes? Or should we just send everyone a smoked cheese like last year? Last but not least, there is the matter of my pay increase. You will recall, sir, after your mental collapse at the firm-wide barbecue three months ago, you told me in the men’s room, you remember, while I was rinsing out your pants, that you’d be sure to call human resources concerning a bonus for me? It’s been three months, sir, and I still have the occasional debilitating flashback. Perhaps you could check on that for me at your earliest convenience? Thank you. I’ll get Rick on the phone for you now. What was that? Yes, sir, I will remind him that he still owes you five bucks.
mooney: My Mom said the same thing. I read it to her over the phone, and she said I'd need someone with great timing. Perhaps you'd be interested in the role?
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