Mary + Her Mental Health

I don’t think I could have picked a more boring topic to blog about if I tried. And yet…see below.

Today I am wearing eggshell colored slacks from Banana Republic with brown shoes and white socks. White socks. It’s all I had. I woke up at the exact time I was supposed to be out the door this morning, and lately I’ve started this trend where I wash my clothes but never manage to fold, hang, and put them away. They’re just in this huge pile that moves to my bed in the morning as I fish around for something wear, then piled back into the laundry basket when I go to bed at night. So yeah. White socks. It’s all I had.

I really don’t have many pairs of socks to begin with, which is a big part of the sock problem. Living in California, you really don’t need more than 4 pairs of socks anyway. Most of your shoes are toeless, backless, half-inch thick pads of foam with two narrow strips of plastic that loop between two of your toes. These are known as the flip-flop, the slipper (a la Hawaii), the thongs (for the ancient ones), or my mom’s favorite, Zories. Socks are for days when it rains, and sometimes not even then. Two of those four pairs are athletic socks which you wear to the gym, or if you’re from the Bay Area, with your Birks. You see what I’m saying.

It’s not that I haven’t tried to correct the problem, indeed I’ve taken measures to remedy this issue before now. I distinctly recall asking my mother to give me socks for Christmas last December. Perhaps she thought I was kidding. “None of my children ASK for socks as a gift and MEAN it!” She did remember my asking for Persuasion on DVD, but she didn’t remember me saying: “Brown and black dress socks. Lots of ‘em.” Most moms remember the practical stuff. I’m proud to say my mother is the type that prioritizes things like impromptu Disneyland trips and over-priced pedicures over stuffy things like college funds and….well…socks.

Of the work-appropriate socks I do own, I noticed just this week that many of them are starting to wear. And by “wear” I mean six threads covering my ankles and pinky toe air conditioning. It would seem I am truly my mother’s daughter, since I go to Target nearly every week where there is a wide selection of dress socks for women and at reasonable prices, and yet I come home with Pringles, Phase 10, and a Pirates of the Caribbean – Johnny Depp alarm clock. (Radical!)

When I do buy socks, which if I remember correctly was probably two years ago, I tend to get very cheap about the whole thing. I refuse to pay $6.00 for one pair of socks. Why would I do that, when I can get a whole Ziploc Jumbo bag of socks for the same price? So what if those bag-o-socks are meant for persons aged 12 and under? Let's think now - - 4 pairs of socks for $24.00 or 2 DVD’s and 6 pairs of socks for $26.00? No contest.

Maybe on some subconscious level I’m afraid to invest in too much sockage for fear that someday, when I’m living in warmer climates, I will open my top drawer and curse myself for having all these socks I never wear, and not having space for all my Victoria’s Secret lingerie. Cuz, you know, by that time I’ll be married and having sex and stuff.