Tuesday, July 17, 2007

please post your opinion

So what do y'all think of this?
Very interesting...women are a sharing bunch aren't we...positive chat much better than negative chat, maybe we just talk too much in general? Kidding...I love talking...all the time...
I'm not at all surprised. It's hard to be around a person who complains all the time. Like soul-sucking hard. I think it's really important to have friends who will listen to you when you complain. But it's equally important to have friends who say, "Look, just shut up! Your life isn't anywhere near as bad as you think it is. And maybe if your life is that bad, you should consider getting professional help." Basically, like in all things, there needs to be a balance.
Hass, I agree. Well said. I've often been the one who needs a friend to say...Mary, shut up. Your life is great. You're great. Let's just perk up, shall we?

Question for anyone:
How do you know when enough is enough? What's the best approach in encouraging a friend to let something go, without it feeling like dismissal or disapproval?
I say that when a friend is stuck with a day that's gray and lonely, they should just stick out their chin and grin and say the sun'll come out tomorrow. That's the best approach.
P.S. There's also Lazlo's Theory of Chinese Relativity that perks me right up and gives me perspective.
P.P.S. Personally, I think it's important to be sure and acknowledge the challenging times and embrace those times for various reasons. It's also important for me to take care of myself in those situations- which doesn't always mean go talk to peopl about it. Sometimes I vent. But sometimes I go buy myself a ticket to see a concert, get a massage, learn some guitar chords, turn off my cell phone, go somewhere where no one's around and do whatever I want to do when no one's looking like moon the moon, hit some golf balls, give myself a makeover, whatever. I also like to have at least 2-3 men on hand to makeout with in emergency situations.
I think that covers it, Hobo. A very thorough list. Everyone, don't bother commenting further.

3 men?
I think the problem with reports of studies like this is this paragraph:

"The results showed that girls who talked excessively about their problems were more likely to report having high-quality close friends. But these girls were also more likely to have symptoms of anxiety or depression, which in turn led to more talking about problems and negative feelings."

It's hard to tell from a newspaper report whether they *actually* studied causality or correlation. It could just as well be that these girls they studied were already prone to depression and therefore needed the close friendships, not the other way around.

But then that's the social scientist in me coming out. I do think it's necessary to have both friends who will listen to you gripe and friends who will help redirect the negative energy into positive outlets. Perhaps it's not so much that the girls are griping as that they haven't yet learned to say, "Yup, here's my friend's bad day, I'll listen and sympathize and now I'll go outside myself and see what I can do to make her day better." When you're a teen already prone to depression, it's hard to see outside your own circle of sadness to see that you can have a positive effect on your friends going through hard times.
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