Wednesday, February 13, 2008

tell me how to stop this

Well, it's not getting better.

4:43 a.m. and I've started a blog post. Haven't slept all night. I tried to. For about an hour and a half. That started around 2:20 a.m., when I closed my book and shut off the light.

The doctors said not to try and sleep until I'm sleepy. Is it possible to be exhausted beyond description, but not sleepy? Cuz that's how I feel.

The doctors also said that if I haven't fallen asleep within thirty minutes of trying, I should get up and do something none too stimulating until I feel sleepy again. There's that word again. How can I feel sleepy again? I'm still waiting for the first sleepy.

So I made blueberry pancakes. And watched t.v. And now the lights in the senior center across from my bedroom window are on.

Last Saturday, I walked into a local fitness center on a whim and asked a sweaty body builder behind the counter if they were looking for a front desk person? He said they were, but then asked how I felt about starting at 5:00 a.m. every morning? It took a second and a half to realize that I'd probably be up anyway. I said, "Actually, that's perfect."

On the nights when I get five or six hours of sleep, it's because I've swallowed two Benadryls and a Klonopin. And this just frightens me to no end. You're saying pills are my sole ticket to Slumberville? Only a five-hour tour, and I'm paying a potentially dangerous price for it.

Right around now is when the high-pitched fuzzy ring in my head begins. Let's see...I could read, put my clean laundry away, go to the bathroom, take out the trash, read more of my book, make some herbal tea. Anyway, that's the stuff I usually do. But with the snow trucks and snow blowers buzzing outside, and the fuzzy ring ringing inside, what chance does one poor little teabag have really?

Maybe I'll just blog. What in the world do I sound like at 4:56 a.m.?
So sorry Mary. I'm a night owl and have this issue on occasion but not chronically. And I'm still exhausted all the time. So I can't imagine. My good friend is quite the isomniac and suffers from restless leg syndrome to boot, so a cocktail of crazy inducing meds are usually the only remedy and even then arent always effective.

I enjoy the text messages she sends me on her ambien nights though.
Actually, I know that fuzzy ringing well. I do the same thing--can't go to sleep till I'm utterly exhausted. Tend to fall asleep w/ my laptop on my lap for that very reason.

You know what helped me? When I had my own place, I put the desk out of the bedroom. The only thing allowed in the bedroom was the bed and the dresser and the nightstand, and the TV and the computer and the desk and food and everything stayed out of the bedroom. No clutter, even--all that went into the other room.

What a difference that made to my mental space! I actually went to bed early sometimes and slept like a baby.

Now that I'm living in a house w/ roommates again and my desk is back in my room, I have that same cluttered mind-cluttered room feeling. I can't even get stuff done in the room in daylight--can't stand to be in it, with all the clutter, and even putting away my laundry is a chore. Which stresses me out, and makes me unable to sleep well.

I imagine you might have already tried that, if you're even a cluttered person at all, but I know that getting rid of the clutter helps me to sleep. And I try not to have a laptop on my lap after a certain hour or I'll be on it till 3 am and wake up at 5 wondering why my back and neck ache so much from not turning in my sleep!
What do you sound like at 4:56am? A woman desperate for some answers that don't relate to medication. I get it!! I know what the doctors say (I've heard it all). Have they given you a sleeping pill? In a very low dose a non-habit forming pill might just give you the edge you need. I don't know if benedryl is the answer for you? I'm sorry you're going through this. Chamomile Tea?? I'm not sure sweetie, but I hope you get a good nite's sleep SOON!!
I hope you're able to sleep soon.

P.S. I love you
Mary@McCormick: I just hate to hear you are not sleeping well. I know you have had this problem for a long time. Terri and I had dinner the other day at DiCicco's and we really miss you!!
Go to iTunes and search 'Michael White' Use his hypnosis podcast for getting better sleep. He has a bunch of them - for all kinds of thing. Insomnia is just one...
so it's 4:47am and I'm visiting everyones blog--I take it you're sleeping better late night postings?
It's late, and I hope you're sleeping. I just thought I'd peek in and see how you were doing.
Mary@McCormick: I really miss your posts. Please email me to let me know what's going on. My email address is:
You always make me smile when I read your posts...not that I think sleeping issues are funny (my husband has them pretty bad too) but I just love your talent for words and perspective on life. Thanks for sharing! Good luck getting some zzz's!
It's been a couple months, and I was just thinking about you. Thought I would come check and see if you were alright. I hope you are, friend.
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Hi Mary,
I feel what your dealing with, I don't sleep until I have to take a pill, then I dread the next day since i wake up in the after noon and Feel like dead all dead... i even post a cartoon today about it in my blog.. (here comes the cheap
Mental health Humor Cartoon
Oh this is several months since you posted this but I understand completely.
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