Mary + Her Mental Health

Seriously.

I’m in one of those moods where a big crisis is no problem, but a broken nail just might force me to kill someone.

This morning I’m on the bus to Kendall/MIT and I happen to sit behind the most lovey-dovey girl couple ever. One of the girls’ chin was in desperate need of some tweezers. I’m sorry to be so mean, but it just bugged the crud out of me. A meadow was growing on this girl’s chin. This is how ridiculous my thoughts are: why would Girl A even want to cuddle with Girl B whose got a meadow growing on her chinny-chin chin? You can’t tell me you don’t notice it. Shoot, I got a half-second glance at her profile and that’s ALL I could see - - Meadow. You know, sometimes loving someone means telling them to pluck. So stop with the neck massage and practice good grooming.

I get off the bus and start my walk across the Longfellow Bridge into the city. Shortly after I begin up the bridge, I realize that I’m closing in on an older lady walking in front of me. Would you believe… I started to get irritated with her. I begin thinking, “I don’t want this lady to be in front of me. Too slow! Too slooooww!” I eventually pass older lady, and try to make it look like I’m not the witch that I actually am.

I get to the center of the bridge, and the wind is really picking up. My hair, my skirt, everything is blowing to the left with a fair amount of force. So what do I do? I get mad at the wind. Yeah. I start thinking, “can you just calm down so I don’t look like a royal mess when I roll into the office this morning? It’s bad enough I grabbed this skirt from my bedroom floor, now I’ve gotta look like I don’t brush my hair either?”

I’m getting mad at the wind. Let’s just think about the futile waste of energy that is.

It’s at this point that I realize I have got to get a grip.

I get to the office and check my email first thing. No messages. What th....FINE!

I wish I could quietly turn off my computer right now, leave the office and walk back over the Longfellow Bridge, away from the city. The wind will blow my hair and everything to the right. Older lady is at work now, so I won’t be running into her. I’ll take the bus back to my house, mindful to avoid sitting next to any hairy couples. I’ll throw in a Jane Austen film and break out the Peanut M&M’s. I swear, after that I’ll be a much better person.