Mary + Her Mental Health

Amanda: or what if I hired you to be on the new sitcom I'm writing?
for NBC
no, Fox. They get more viewers
yeah, Fox.
me: yeah, that'll work. so what's the premise?
Amanda: well, it's about a monkey who's a chouffer
so he's always in a suit and hat
me: it's not about a kangaroo named jack?
Amanda: hahahaha!!!
he's actually the supporting role
and you would play the love interest
me: of jack or the monkey?
Amanda: both
me: challenging
Amanda: and a dung beetle named Gyro
me: i can't breathe
Amanda: yes, it's got a lot of layers
you would really have to prepare for this role
me: i'll get a season pass to wild kingdom
method
Amanda: I'm sorry, that's not going to be enough
I'm going to need you to contact Jane Goodall...
and the guy who played crocodile dundee
me: wait
Amanda: and perhaps join an aboriginal tribe
and sell a kidney
and gain 400 pounds
and shave your head
me: you didn't mention any crocs, gorillas or
Amanda: let the hair grow out
then shave it again
I said monkey
me: not the same thing
Amanda: didn't you hear me say monkey?
me: not the same thing
Amanda: potato potato
me: crocs?
Amanda: well, they're sort of like Kangaroos
only amphibious
and no pouch
alright, I can tell this isn't going to work
you don't have the vision
me: you mean i'm not insane
i'm going to start stealing your ideas and then i'll make a fortune
and i'll forget to mention you in the credits
Amanda: you foolish girl
me: because you said i don't have the vision
Amanda: you think I haven't already patented my ideas?!
me: you can't patent ideas!
Amanda: like I would be stupid enough to share my monkey choufferkangaroojacklove story without securing it first
me: good title
Amanda: well I'm sure you're going to try to steal that too
me: no, i'll just change it around enough to where you can't sue me
Amanda: okay vanilla ice
me: something like jacklovemonkey kangaroo you wish you were vanilla ice
Amanda: that's no secret
me: maybe jackloomonkanga key
Amanda: or just Love Monkey, Kanga?
me: or maybe Love is a Jungle
Amanda: Or MidKanga's Night Monkey
me: A Long Monkey's Kanga Into Love
Amanda: Meet the Kangonkeys
me: or no, i got it
what if the monkay had a butler?
and his name was Mr. Bigglesworth?
Amanda: Mary!! that's ridiculous!!
Like a monkey would have a butler!
give me a break...
me: all right, all right, here me out...
Amanda: this is why I am the writer and you are the actor
me: so he's a monkey, right?
Amanda: yes
me: and he's got a butler, okay?
named Mr. Bigglesworth?
and he answers the door
Amanda: no, I see your point...
me: yeah
see?
Amanda: and when you put it that way, I can see...
me: exactly!
Amanda: but I still don't think it fits here
me: well i'm open to suggestions
Amanda: this show is about sophistication, tenderness, rage, lust, spasms, phlegm, beenie babies...
not butlers
me: what about a reality show about monkey butlers coping with rage?
Amanda: with beenie baby collections?
me: we'll call it Cage Ragers?
sure!
Amanda: now you're talking
me: i'll call my agent
Amanda: done
and
done
me: and scene
Amanda: I think I may have to take this home and put it in my notes
me: i was thinking the same thing
Amanda: someday... we'll be discovered
me: of course we will!
Amanda: and then we will change our names
Talulah and BeeBo
me: dibs on Bee Bo
Amanda: aww man!!!

// posted by Mary @ 3:03 PM