Mary + Her Mental Health

Last night I told Peg I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue with the blog, since nowadays I seem to be using it solely for venting otherwise useless hot air. Then, just for kicks, I went back into the archives and found a post from January 9, 2006, or in other words, this time last year.

Here it is, if you’d care to read:

Reading last year’s post made me smile:

• Because of the blog, I know what I was thinking about a year ago.
• Because of the blog, I know that what I “sensed” was about to happen actually did happen in ways too eerily exact to articulate.
• Because of the blog, I know that I’ve broken a three-year trend. Until this year, I would always get bronchitis somewhere between October and now. Cross fingers, but that hasn’t happened yet! Woot!

The blog is where I started to let it all hang for the first time in several years. For a while it was the only place I could go and not care what people thought. It was the first stab at being a whole person, integrating all sides into one, in a safe place with just a keyboard and iTunes playing - no eyes, no ears, no consequences. Well, sort of.

Fellow bloggers and I have talked about how strange it is sometimes to walk into church or a friend’s house, and be instantly disarmed when someone you barely know asks you about something he found out by reading your blog. It’s silly. You know it’s up for all the universe, but you’re genuinely surprised that anyone would take the time to read you. Especially that guy. Yikes! But even then, you know it’s all good. The blog was the sledgehammer. When you walk in afterward and see your wall knocked down, you’re kind of relieved. It needed to happen, but it happened when you weren’t physically present. You weren’t there for the loud thuds or thundering tumbles. You walked in post-demolition, and you see the people standing around you with the dust settling in on their faces and their looks of surprise. And all you can say is…Yeah. That’s what’s going on. Funny, huh? (Shrug.) That wasn’t so scary.

So I think I'll hang on to the blog. I'm curious to see what I'll think of this post next January.

Labels: deep and reflective

// posted by Mary @ 1:27 PM