Mary + Her Mental Health

If you search the words “vitamin” and “water” you will get 2.3 million websites. Including my blog. Vitamin Water costs about 5,000 times more than tap water. Some nutritionists would argue that vitamin-filled water products are only a ploy to make money. OF COURSE IT’S A WAY TO MAKE MONEY. This is America, and by that I mean we don’t have time to eat vegetables. All free enterprise is saying here is go ahead and not change that.

I have a close and personal friend who really struggles with the idea of something else being in her water besides water. She doesn’t do those vitamin supplements in her fruit smoothies either. Something about the imagined “grainy” texture. I pity her, really. It means she has to eat broccoli. She has to chew stuff. Chewing food is sooooo over with. Ask any runway model, they’ll tell you.

Frankly, I kind of like the idea of getting all our nutrients from a neon-colored liquid. It makes me feel like we’re that much closer to living in Star Trek times. First step, drink our food. Next, sleep in pods and move things with our minds. I heard they started an employee pod-sleeping beta program at Google headquarters. Very progressive.

I do, however, draw a hard line at putting vitamins in my Diet Coke.


Look. Diet Coke people. I know you’re following the trend here, and I deeply admire your already insatiable lust for the mighty dollar which compels you to get even more mo by jumping into the over-crowded vitamin-infused bounce house with your pathetic excuse for a health drink. But let me make something clear. And I think I speak for many when I say this. I drink Diet Coke because it represents what is my last remaining addiction to chemical stimulants designed to alter my state of mind in an unhealthy manner. So please don’t do anything to ruin that for me.

Julie, was this okay?

Labels: a little venting, random